Metal Gear solid 3: snake eaterThe secret intro
by Demonic Angel DA
Summary: This is a textual recall of the way the vitous mission began.


A/N Ok well this is a quick done one shot that I made as a parody of the original beginning to MGS3

"SO Pain...How are you after all these years?" Asked an old man in a wheelchair  
"Well End, unless it isn't obvious by the giant bees and the swarms of hornets inside my FACE, I've been in the most excruciating PAIN!" cried a man in bee stripe uniform.  
"zzzzz...zzzzzz" was the only response he got.  
"I hate you old man!"cried pain

"Put out your cigar" ordered a man who sounded weirdly familiar. I just sat where I was and took another puff.  
"Does this panty waist know what he's doing?" he asked the wall  
"How do I know man I'm just the wall" it replied.  
"Are you deaf? put out your cigar!" cried the Major  
"Fine!! What are you my doctor!" I cried putting on the ground and stomping it out.  
The back of the plane opened up slowly in a dramatic way.  
"Sorry guy's my bad" Came the pilots voice  
I got up and stepped up behind the man who called me a pantywaist, reaching down I grabbed his harness then heaved him up and clipped him to the roof, Where he would be stuck in permanent wedgie until I come back and the land.  
"Take that bitch!"  
"It's kind of comfortable" he said nodding slightly  
"Thats not cool man" said the wall in Jamaican accent  
"Shut up wall!...wait did I just yell at a wall?"  
"yup...you are so gonna die ha ha" the wall informed snake in an Ghetto gangster voice  
"Why?" he asked  
"you left the plane 50 seconds ago!" it said in a Japanese voice  
Snake opened his eyes and realized that he wasn't in the plane  
"Well this sucks" he told himself calmly puling the cord on his parachute.  
He glided safely down to tree top level where he evened things out and tried not to hit a tree on the way in. He didn't hit a tree but a branch tore of his backpack as well as his clothes, Somehow leaving the parachute harness completely intact. I cut it at the last minute and managed to fall into a waist high puddle.  
"Oh crap" I cried. I climbed out of the puddle and realized it wasn't there anymore.  
"Ok thats just weird" I commented  
"You are telling me" agreed a random guard.  
"Say could I borrow your uniform?" I asked  
"I don't know it's the only one I have...wait why shouldn't I shoot you?" he realized  
"i have a plot feature...i cant die"  
Snake turned his head to think as the guard started to take off his uniform

Metal Gear Solid  
The guard

I sat down on the ground and slept for three hours. Then I got up and followed the guard dog as it patrolled the area. Then I realized the sun was suddenly blue then pink then normal. Anyway I walked little more. Then walked a little more. Then I made a question mark appear above my head by going  
"HUH?"  
Then a snake shot me. A real snake.

Game complete. Came up in front of me.

"HAHA while you were dreaming I threw my clothes over the cliff!" cried the guard.  
"I still have my knife!" I cried taking it out "don't ask where I put it!" I added just as macho.  
"Pepe now please" he said as I cut his head off in one swipe. While I was burying the body I turned  
and realized that another snake was landing and he looked just like me.  
"Hey Buddy!" I cried walking over  
"Jack!" he called surprised  
"Yeah thats me!" I replied hugging him "So who are you?"

"I'm Jack" he said  
"But you're me and I'm you...we cant both exist!" I commented waiting for a cry.  
"Sorry I'll wake him up" said me that wast me throwing a stone at the randomly placed T.V screen that I love to pose to.  
"HUH!...OH...hey theres two of you" Came the colonel from the futures voice. I coughed to remind him  
"sorry...Snake you've created a time paradox!" he cried  
At that exact time the other snake popped out of existence apart from his clothes and stuff. I quickly gathered it got dressed and got into position to do a fancy codec scene.  
"Hello Brother" Came a blonds voice  
"Wrong parody" I informed him  
"Sorry dad" he apologized before cutting out  
"Snake? Have you landed yet?" Asked the major  
"yeah...m snake write?"  
"yeah now listen theres a dude we think is gay but needs saving from the damn Russians now go save him...oh and tell him something from me" He ordered  
"What do you want me to say?"  
'I don't know just make a metaphorical clue to a hidden past" he ordered  
"Oh yeah heres a bunch of people"  
"hi snake I'm your doctor!"  
"couldn't you make a cooler name?" I asked  
"like what"  
"Who cares...so what you wearing?"  
"Snake!" came the bosses voice  
"BOSS?"  
"OMG!" Said a guard four meters from snake  
"What was that noise!" cried boss  
"who cares why did you leave me!!" I screamed  
"I'll be honest snake...you smell bad"  
"Oh"  
"yeah"  
"soooo" I tried "what are you wearing"  
"shut up and sneak in the damn base that isn't a base bitch mother KK" She screamed

A/N well thats how it happened but kojima thought it wasnt a good intro. LOL! R AND R please peeps


End file.
